Good Morning USA, and world, and, uh, guess I’ll throw in the universe. Never can tell, some gloopy alien with three eyes might be keeping track of those strange critters on earth. Might be reading this article right now making sure we’re not being contentious and guilty of sedition to the alien galactic empire.

Hi, Gloopy Alien. Wonder if he knows what this here finger is for? Heh.

Speaking of Gloopy Aliens, the founder of modern Karate, Gichin Funakoshi, was about 80 years old, and was out for a walk. The night was dark, Japan was in a bad state of unrest, and he saw a mugger lurking on the street corner. And he knew, in his heart of hearts, that that mugger was going to try to mug him.

Hey, do you actually think that a mugger is going to risk picking on somebody who is bigger than him? No way, muggers want to do their mugging with the least amount of personal risk, you know? These muggers are smart guys, after all.

Anyway, Gichin keeps on walking makes sure he looks feeble, and as he passes the mugger and the mugger leaps at him he whirls and grabs the mugger. Now, you might be wondering where he grabbed the mugger. A death lock on the carotid–a specialized nerve center that immobilizes totally?

Well, uh, no. He grabbed him by the, um, chestnuts. The cajones, you know..the apples.

He grabbed him by his future, his children to be, his only reason for fun on those long, lonely nights that besiege a mugger when he is all alone and can’t find a date. Now the founder of Karate has a mugger by the embarrassment what is his next technique? Does he execute a half fist to the throat and pop the Adam’s apple…or at least shove it down the unworthy’s own throat?

Does he launch a spear hand thrust to the chest and yank the mugger’s very heart out and take a big bite while the terrified mugger watches in terror? Or does he just start to close his hand. Close his hand slowly, and watch the life blood drain out of the mugger’s face, and the very life right out of his quaking and pain infested body, and the happiness out of his future?

Squeeze, until the nutty pulp runs out from between his gnarly, old fingers. Squeeze, until a loud popping sound fills the night air. Squeeze, until the mugger screams like a little girl and falls to the pavement, never to enjoy the feel of loving again.

Gichin called for the cops. Yep, he stood on that corner and held that man and called for help. And the mugger was totted away to think about his crimes, and the terror of having his manhood held by another man.

A fascinating sort of a lesson, eh? Another fascinating lesson would be if you looked up the root meaning of the word testament and where it comes from. Anyway, the reason I have told you this little tale is this, don’t walk down that dark alley.

Yeah. My students have heard me make this point before, and they know exactly what I mean. When you have a choice of a short trip through a dark alley, or a long walk down a lit street, take the long way.

You can tell you’ve made it, that you do understand what the martial arts are all about when you can see a dark alley before you reach it. Hey, a sunny street in the heart of town might be a dark alley if there’s some idiot waiting for you. And you should have developed the extra perception, through those endless hours of practice, to know the difference between a dark alley and a well lit street.

Tags: Self Defence