A Martial Arts class is a place to be strong and healthy. It is filled with hard working, dedicated people. The five following items are what you don’t want to hear in a martial arts class.

Hearing any of these five things interrupts the class, slows it down and breaks the pacing. Hearing any of these five things reveals an innate weakness that should not be manifested, but rather squashed quickly and fast. Hearing any of these things destroys the rite of passage that any good and serious martial arts class is.

Number five amongst the not to be said items in a good and serious martial arts class is…that hurts. Hey, a little pain is going to happen here and there, but grunt and grit and get over it. If you need medical attention, crawl off the mat, find a telephone and call an ambulance!

Number four amongst the not to be saids in a martial arts class is…I wasn’t ready. Good friggin’ Lard…being ready is what the class is about! Open your eyes and ears and get with the program!

Number three amongst the things you don’t ever want to hear in a good and serious martial arts class is…I’m sorry. You’re supposed to be learning how to dish out pain and misery and break assorted bones and stop the heart and all that! If you handed out too much pain, then watch him or her crawl off the mat, or, better yet, roll them off the mat, and get back to the business of maiming and punishing and breaking all the little bones and popping all the little organs inside your fellow man!

Number two amongst the not to be said items in a good and serious martial arts class is…what if the guy does something else, like Oh, ow and slap my ears so hard I grow cauliflowers I can’t believe you said that! If he does something else, then you do something else…and, in the meantime…get with the drill or you won’t be able to handle the first thing he did!

Number one amongst the not to be said items in a good and serious martial arts class is…me asking you why you were late! Get ready you good for nothing turkey butt, because when I get done with you you’re not going to be ready or able to crawl from what is about to hurt so bad somebody is going to have to roll you off the mat so the serious martial artists can get on with the show! You know I mean it!

The point of this is…always be ready, be careful and considerate with all your matmates and try not to injure them or yourself, don’t interrupt or slow the flow of the class, and be on time every time. Sure, we had some humor here, and there should be humor when you’re learning to dismember and maim the other citizens of good, old planet earth. But…treat the art as sacred, and the art will enable you to become as sacred.

Tags: Self Defence